In a world where men are destined to be strong and guarded, author Sarah Winman writes a line that captures the essence of the man I have spent a life trying to become:

“Men and boys should be capable of beautiful things.”

But the world makes it hard. Abusive fathers. Absent fathers. Ignorant fathers.

A world full of stunted expectations. Men play the violent heroes in movies, but rarely are rarely cast as the hero sitting on the floor crying from the weight of the world pressing on their shoulders.

And so we get men who make choices for others. We get men who go through life wishing and dreaming of being something, or someone better. Or worse, not even realizing they can be something different. Something softer.

There is a thread that weaves its way in and out of this story driven by the long connection to a singular painting: Sunflowers by Van Gogh. Dora, mother to main character, Michael holds onto this replica as a symbol of gratitude and hope.

Gratitude and hope are eternal and ephemeral at the same time.

Tin Man begins in 1950 and travels through time to it’s end in 1996. We learn about the challenges of young men who are attracted emotionally and physically to other men during the age of sexual awakening but also in a world where the expectation was to find a nice girl and marry her. (Has that really changed?)

And this is where the pain begins. Two men, bonded by love, and kindness, and death, are broken by that same love and affection. Soft distance, gentle animosity, and continual clouds break Michael and turn him into a hardened man.

And when the AIDS epidemic starts to ravage the gay community, Michael loses more of those he loves. He breaks and is broken. But in that brokenness, he re-discovers what his mother taught him so many years before; gratitude, at the side of the bed of a dying stranger.

He finds that you can open a window again. You can see sunflowers and be grateful and embrace love no matter how broken it was, you became, or you are in this very moment; because love is eternal. And when you open that window and see the sunflowers and when the smell of fresh lavender slips into your nose, you will feel gratitude and hope will envelop your soul.

Want to read it for yourself? Pick up your copy of Tin Man by Sarah Winman. Prefer to purchase from Amazon?

Disclosure: The links on this page are affiliate links. As such, we will earn affiliate income if you should purchase as a result of these links.